if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
