So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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