so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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