My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
