god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
