found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
