wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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