Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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