so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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