We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
