Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
