what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
