we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
