i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
