Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
