from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
