a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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