You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
