Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
