i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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