While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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