also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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