I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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