Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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