Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
