I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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