when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
