So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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