yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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