i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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