It's just like the Real World with babies
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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