It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
