I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
