Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
