I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
