i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
