You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
