Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
