Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
