Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
