i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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