If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
