If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its not stalking. its research.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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