Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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