I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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