'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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