Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
