i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
