I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
