I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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