All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
