Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
