There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Who died my cat blue again?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
